There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
