I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just googled if crying burns calories
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
