He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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