I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
