He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
