you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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