This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
