tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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