I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
