Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
