nut hugger
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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