Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
