I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
