you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
