I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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