i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
