i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
