so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
