well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
