garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
