i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
