Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
