Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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