In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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