I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
