If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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