hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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