ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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