It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
