get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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