I heard we made out
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
