I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
