I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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