We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
