hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
