I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
