You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to make out with him forever
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
