oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
