so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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