Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
