The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My life is pants optional.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
