best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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