Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
