On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
