he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
