Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
