He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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