can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
