I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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