it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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