Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
