after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
