Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found a bag of teeth...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
