i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
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Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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