I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
