I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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