I want to have your abortion
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
