I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
