Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The air was thick with penises
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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