Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize