I've blown a few things in my day
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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