It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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