I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
