You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
