I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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