my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
