and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
