Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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