he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
