I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Randomize
