oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
