dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
