he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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